A couple weeks ago now, I headed north for a family wedding. For once I was lucky enough to not be doing anything at the wedding except enjoying the ceremony and celebrating with the couple. We ended up making it into a little vacation to see other family, head to a zoo (we love zoos), and just relax a bit. As it happened because of the schedule of travel and events and because of poor wi-fi at the hotel, I found myself having not really touched facebook, twitter, or anything of the like for several days. Oh I wished my cousin (the bride) a happy wedding day and looked at some photos, but did not engage with the ELCA Clergy Group(s), which I love to do. Did not get caught up in discussion and arguments, did not blog, did not tweet, did not really actively engage any social media in anyway. And really, it was great! I decided to continue to do so for the rest of the trip and found out a couple interesting things about my social media habits and about the place it should have in my life. Maybe you'll find them interesting too, and if not, thanks for reading anyways.
1. I may have a small =addiction to Social Media: Knowing friends, colleagues, and family members with addiction issues, I don't use this lightly or comically, but honestly. I don't have a smart phone, but I do have an Ipod touch and wifi at both work and home and thus most of the time I can access social media at will. I find that I don't leave a room without making sure I have my Ipod. I rarely go more than 15 minutes without checking email and facebook on either it or the computer. I always check for signal wherever we are. I am reluctant to go somewhere without the Ipod....Yeah, those aren't exactly healthy habits. I can go an extended period without using social media, but I don't like to! Just ask my wife. Do I have an addiction, no, not really, but these behaviors concern me. Enough to make me think that a break was a really good idea.
1. I may have a small =addiction to Social Media: Knowing friends, colleagues, and family members with addiction issues, I don't use this lightly or comically, but honestly. I don't have a smart phone, but I do have an Ipod touch and wifi at both work and home and thus most of the time I can access social media at will. I find that I don't leave a room without making sure I have my Ipod. I rarely go more than 15 minutes without checking email and facebook on either it or the computer. I always check for signal wherever we are. I am reluctant to go somewhere without the Ipod....Yeah, those aren't exactly healthy habits. I can go an extended period without using social media, but I don't like to! Just ask my wife. Do I have an addiction, no, not really, but these behaviors concern me. Enough to make me think that a break was a really good idea.
2. No one cares as much about my posts/tweets/comments as I think they do: This is the allure of social media, it makes us feel like we are important and that we are heard and appreciated by a large audience. The truth is though, that most of the time, no one notices. Don't get me wrong in a moment of loss or crisis, the love and support that comes through social media from family, friends and even exclusive digital friends is genuine and important. But the day to day interactions, the discussions/arguments/witty comments, etc. No one really notices if you post or not. It's the nature of facebook to be that way.
But you know who cares about every interaction? My kids, they live for daddy's attention and play time and comments and overall goofiness. Kids love their parents attention and they miss it a lot more than anyone on social media can and should. Also, I at least like to imagine, that my wife cares about our interactions too :). When I look at the time I spend dedicated to social media foolishness compared to time dedicated solely to my wife and children...the ratio is not where I would like it to be. And honestly in ten years, the time spent with real life people, particularly my family, will matter more than the time spent with digital friends.
But you know who cares about every interaction? My kids, they live for daddy's attention and play time and comments and overall goofiness. Kids love their parents attention and they miss it a lot more than anyone on social media can and should. Also, I at least like to imagine, that my wife cares about our interactions too :). When I look at the time I spend dedicated to social media foolishness compared to time dedicated solely to my wife and children...the ratio is not where I would like it to be. And honestly in ten years, the time spent with real life people, particularly my family, will matter more than the time spent with digital friends.
3. I used social media in a way that made it more of an aggravation than an asset: Too many of my interactions involved getting outraged, or aggravated or argumentative or offended or the like. From theological debates, to pop culture, to celebrity antics, to criminal tragedies, it made me mad or wasted my time or sucked me into argument over topics that just did not matter and did not make a difference in the world. Social media should not be used that way, but for a lot of people, including me, it is. So it was good to not engage it, to not argue, to be ignorant the violence one person was doing to another while we were traveling.
There is probably more, but that was enough to make me take a break. And reading over it, it may seem like enough to delete my twitter, facebook, and blog. So why did I come back? Well...
3. Social Media is an incredible asset if used well: Social media is a tool or a medium if you like. It has not inherent good or evil. And I cannot tell you the amount of times, my interactions have been helpful in getting ideas for sermons, ministries and hearing stories. There is an incredible community of church leaders for example, that freely share their work and creativity for the good of the body of Christ. No we don't plagiarize each other's sermons, but we share advice, best practices, devotional ideas, plays, service projects, referrals, ministries and the like. Not everything is transferable or useful but a lot is. If nothing else it helps inspire me as a leader to see the myriad of gifts and talents our church leaders and members have, and the creativity that resides just in our small corner of humanity called Lutheranism. If used well Social media is amazingly helpful
There is probably more, but that was enough to make me take a break. And reading over it, it may seem like enough to delete my twitter, facebook, and blog. So why did I come back? Well...
3. Social Media is an incredible asset if used well: Social media is a tool or a medium if you like. It has not inherent good or evil. And I cannot tell you the amount of times, my interactions have been helpful in getting ideas for sermons, ministries and hearing stories. There is an incredible community of church leaders for example, that freely share their work and creativity for the good of the body of Christ. No we don't plagiarize each other's sermons, but we share advice, best practices, devotional ideas, plays, service projects, referrals, ministries and the like. Not everything is transferable or useful but a lot is. If nothing else it helps inspire me as a leader to see the myriad of gifts and talents our church leaders and members have, and the creativity that resides just in our small corner of humanity called Lutheranism. If used well Social media is amazingly helpful
2. Some people do care and they are worth your time (just not all of it!): From far off family, to college students, to introverted members who are big on face to face conversation, social media is really great for conversation and for doing pastoral ministry. In addition, it is a way for far flung colleagues and friends to lean on each other's digital shoulders and get some support or just gain a listening ear. I have done pre-marital counseling, answered sermon notes from confirmands and help people deal with some deep seeded questions through some form of social media. It's a balance between real time and online time and choosing the battles and opportunities that are best for me and the work I am called to. Choosing wisely also gives me more time with my awesome kids and wife and real life friends.
1. Bad habits can change, through awareness, self-discipline, outside accountability and the grace of God: Addictions are tough and sometimes deadly and I never want to struggle with a true one, be it alcohol, drugs or digital media. So perhaps this timely interruption was a gift of sorts to help me step back and reflect and move in a different direction. Or at least move with a greater sense of care and thoughtfulness. In addition, my wife continues to be a a good presence and "boundary keeper" amongst her other roles. She keeps me from working too much, keeps me healthy and is usually good for keeping me off the ipod and engage with those in front of me. Between two full grown adults and God's grace, I think I can manage to be smarter about how I spend my time.
The truth is I love the relationships, interactions and ideas I have gained through social media and it is a necessary part of our churchs' work. It is an invaluable tool in my pastoral arsenal and personal life. But like anything other tool, hobby or gift, it must be used wisely. Otherwise it can become another burden, or to borrow some biblical language, a stumbling block that keeps me from reaching my potential as a leader and fulfilling my call as a husband, father and ordained pastor. So I am going to use what I learned and be smarter with my time online. I will not do it perfectly and have doubt I will regret another facebook argument, but hopefully I will be better and that is at least moving in the right direction.
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